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100+ John Mulaney Quotes And Sayings

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John Mulaney Quotes And Sayings

 

 

I was over on the bench.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

You remember being 12 when you’re like ‘No one will look at me or I’ll kill myself
John Mulaney

 

 

 

Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I’m new in town.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

Things don’t exist until they exist.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.
John Mulaney

 

 

You are gathered together as a school, and you are told never to talk to an adult you don’t know. And you are told this, by an adult you don’t know.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. I don’t wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up. Let’s just call it like Delta Airlines.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

You have your law practice; and me, I have all these fucking markers.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

Nick Kroll, A.D. Miles, Chelsea Peretti – those were the people I was always doing open mics with.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

Anyone who’s seen my d*** and met my parents needs to die; I can’t have them roaming around.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

I kind of thought, wouldn’t it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?
John Mulaney

 

 

 

You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.
John Mulaney

 

 

 

I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the king of stress that I am under.
John Mulaney

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